Eric Lim

Unsolicited commentary and thoughts

24

I went into Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull with the lowest expectations possible, but I actually enjoyed the movie. It wasn’t horrible, and it didn’t feel much like an Indiana Jones film, but I enjoyed it about as much as I enjoy any of the Mummy films.

But the horrible parts of the movie, and there are many, are extremely horrible. Stop reading now if you don’t want to be spoiled about the movie. I was telling Brad that we should go see the movie again, and sneak in a bottle of vodka and shotglasses and take a shot everytime we identify something that was George Lucas’ idea. He said we would need to bring two bottles.

Cute prairie dogs? (shot) Refrigerator? (shot) Head of the statue of Marcus Brody rolling into the lap of a KGB agent? (shot) Rope snake? (shot) Fencing on moving cars? (shot) Monkeys attacking Russian agents and Shia Labeouf swinging on vines like Tarzan? (shot) CG killer ants making a ladder? (shot) Magic tree! (shot) Marion holding the steering wheel after going over three waterfalls? (shot)

I watched Raiders of the Lost Ark last Thursday, and that movie is just so much better. Especially the chase sequence when Indy is trying to get back the truck transporting the Ark, that scene compared with the jungle chase is a hundred times better. I didn’t even understand the point of the jungle chase. Does anyone understand why the Soviets scrambled down the cliff instead of trying to capture Indiana Jones? You know why? So they could get hit by the magic tree!

I blame the overall problem with George Lucas. The monkeys were just so unncessary. The man has fucking Ewok Syndrome, and I hate him so much!

Sunday, June 1, 2008
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